Tantrums result from a conflict of interest, where one is forced to comply. Parents with toddlers know this exceptionally well.
It goes like this: Micah wants to poke his fingers in the bum cream, but you know it will end up all over his hair. He knows you put product in your hair, so it must be the same.
Oh, uh, conflict of interest.
You grab the cream before it ends up in a massive mess. But now, instead of dealing with the mess, you must deal with a tantrum.
What's the alternative?
I propose this: The most mature families use less force and more problem-solving. Each solution is unique, but they’re all recognised by respect and creativity.
Forcefulness plays out in work relationships as well.
In product, how do you get the job done? By telling the “noob” what to do? Sometimes, we use more subtle forms of force, justifying it with, “If I don’t use some form of force, they will make a mess.”
Subtle or not, it still comes down like a crashing wave.
Sometimes the situation leads to shouting and screaming, and other times to internal combustion. Someone forced their will, leaving the other person feeling disempowered and without a choice.
What’s the alternative?
The same proposal applies: The most mature teams use less force and more problem-solving. Each solution is unique, but they’re all recognised by respect and creativity, leading to happier people, deeper trust and bigger impact.
Sarah Fitz-Claridge is correct in saying that “problems are soluble – especially when we are all in a good state of mind rather than upset with each other.”
Less force, more problem-solving.